YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In May 2012 radio shock-jock Howard Stern's long-time lady side kick Robin Quivers—the relative calm to his famously crude storm—announced that she was about to go under the knife to have a grapefruit-sized tumor removed from her bladder. The well-compensated co-host, a former nurse and Air Force captain who rakes in a reported $10 million per year, quickly returned to her post behind the microphone but, instead of being in the studio with Mister Stern and his ragtag band of lewd cohorts, for the last year or so has provided her generally more level headed two cents from home with a high-speed internet connection.
Earlier today Miz Quivers revealed on air that she's battled cancer over the last year or so and, after chemotherapy—and whatever other tactics they employed to beat back the cancer, her doctors recently declared her cancer free. Mavel tov, Miz Quivers, may you remain in remission in perpetuity.
With her new, cancer-free lease on life, the 61-year old Miz Quivers seems in the mood to turn her small property portfolio completely upside-down. Thanks to an informant we'll call Glenda Goodwitch it's come to Your Mama's attention that the coffee enema proponent not only put her her New York City apartment up for sale she also listed her canal-front house in the seaside Loveladies community on Long Beach Island on the (New) Jersey shore—for significantly less than she paid for it, mind you—and she already snatched up a bigger and more expensive bay-front residence less than two miles to the south.
SIZE: 1,486 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
Property records reveal Miz Quivers picked up her 2 bedroom and 2.5 bathrooms pied-a-terre in the lower section of New York City's Upper West Side near Lincoln Center in May 2008 for $2,469,256—or $2,425,000, depending where you look. Current digital marketing materials show she first hoisted the 1,486 square foot high-floor corner crib on the open market in July 2013 with a $3,150,000 price tag. The asking price was quickly reduced to $2,950,000 and within a few weeks an unknown buyer came along and put the apartment in contract for an unknown amount.
Current listing details show a tiny, barely there foyer opens into a reasonably roomy, multi-purpose living/dining/kitchen space with medium brown hardwood floors and full walls of windows, some of which stretch from floor-to-ceiling and flood the room with natural light. The furnishings are mostly taupe and tan and, while probably of high quality and reasonably comfy-looking, fairly uninspired.
The adjoining, windowed kitchen may be Manhattan-sized, meaning it's barely bigger than a decent-sized walk-in closet, bu it's none-the-less well equipped with top-quality appliances including an under-counter wine fridge and commercial-style range, simple Shaker-style oak cabinetry with frosted glass fronted uppers, high gloss black granite counter tops and white marble back splash, and a two-seat breakfast bar.
The two bedrooms, situated at opposite ends of the apartment for maximum privacy, each has a private bathroom. The master bedroom isn't any bigger then the guest bedroom really but does have three (smallish) closets instead of one and a more spacious, windowed en suite bathroom with a two sink vanity, soaking tub, and separate, glassed-in stall shower.
Other features include nine-foot ceilings, a stacked washer/dryer in a closet just off the foyer, and three exposures that allow for city, park, river, and bridge views. Common charges and taxes, as per listing details, come to $2,668 and the building's full-service amenities include 24-hour doormen, concierge, health club, bike storage room and on-site parking garage. (No doubt additional fees apply to the latter feature.)
At this point Your Mama has no idea if Miz Quivers plans to replace her modestly sized if hardly inexpensive pied a terre with something another one of equal, less or greater scope and/or cost.
SIZE: 3,500 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
As mentioned above, not only has Miz Quivers opted to sell her Manhattan pied-a-terre she's also put a $2,450,000 price tag on her canal front house in Loveladies (NJ) that property records show she acquired in October 2005 for $2,775,000. A few quick clicks and clacks on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that even if her real estate agent lady manages to pull down a full price buyer Miz Quivers faces an elephantine $325,000 loss on the sale of this house, not counting improvements, carrying costs, and real estate fees.
Current listing information shows the approximately 3,500 square foot house, dubbed—ahem—Amethyst Sea, had five bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms. It was designed, so says the listing description, by local designer/builder Robert Musgnug and built in 2002 near the tail end of a long cul-de-sac with 135-feet of open, south facing canal frontage. The canal leads out to Manahawkin Bay, according to digital maps we consulted.
The main living areas doesn't look all that commodious in listing photographs but are open concept with beige tile flooring, a fireplace, and a curved wall of windows in the living room area. There's another curved wall of windows in the dining area that's open to the kitchen over a raised breakfast bar. The wrap-around kitchen is outfitted with high-grade stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops the color of wet sand, and perfectly ordinary raised panel cabinetry that doesn't quite reach the ceiling. Some of the eagle-eyed children may have already noted that Miz Quivers broke Rule Number 14 in Your Mama's Big Book of Decoratin' Dos and Don'ts by shoving copious amounts of faux-foliage and other knick-knacks and paddywacks in the narrow space between the top of the cabinets and the ceiling where they do little besides collect dust.
At lease a couple of the guest/family bedrooms have water views and the master has a sitting area with an amethyst inlaid fireplace, a private water-side balcony, and an en suite bathroom where, according to digital marketing materials, there's more amethyst inlaid in the otherwise ho-hum beige tile work.
The main living area opens to an elevated veranda that, unfortunately for privacy seekers like Your Mama, a direct and essentially unimpeded view into the backyards of the across-the-canal neighbors. Wide steps descend a decent-sized backyard area with simple plantings, a boomerang-shaped swimming pool and generous if not exactly private sunbathing spaces. A large deck cantilevers over the bulk headed canal and a separate floating dock provides plenty or room for Miz Quivers throw her kayaks into the canal and/or park her funny little runabout boat.
Other rooms of note include a small, canal-view fitness room, a second level family room/den with yet another curved wall of windows, and an upper level wood-floored office with built-in bookcases that flank a large oculus-type window. Another upper level room, perhaps it was originally planned as a bedroom, is where, according to listing photos, Miz Quivers sits and does her thing on the radio.
SIZE: 7,627, 7 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
Listing details first forwarded to Your Mama by Glenda Goodwitch indicate Miz Quivers was in the mood to up size her residential circumstances along the famous—and infamous—Jersey shore. At 7,627 square feet with 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, her 8-level mini-mansion, located on a heavily trafficked main thoroughfare but tucked behind that thicket of pine trees, is more than twice the size of her house in Loveladies.
We have no idea if Miz Quivers dabbled in the dark arts of numerology to come up with the odd $3,388,800 purchase price but we do know that the 1+ acre spread was last lised with an asking price of $3,649,000.
The multi-winged, clapboard-sided residence wraps around a large deck with a circular raised space that spills in to a compact kidney-shaped swimming pool. A long, boardwalk constructed of mahogany or maybe red cedar links the pool area to the water side amenities: a private white sand beach and a private deep water dock. Perhaps the most unique feature of the quirky and not especially attractive house is a widow's walk that allows for 360 degree views of the bay and beach.
listing photos and floor plan (New York City): Corcoran
listing photos (Loveladies): Joy Luedtke Real Estate
listing photos (Beach Haven): Joy Luedtke Real Estate